{"id":517,"date":"2011-09-22T21:32:06","date_gmt":"2011-09-22T18:32:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ramisalame.com\/blog\/wordpress\/?p=517"},"modified":"2011-09-22T21:39:44","modified_gmt":"2011-09-22T18:39:44","slug":"for-the-love-of-limericks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.ramisalame.com\/blog\/wordpress\/for-the-love-of-limericks\/","title":{"rendered":"for the love of limericks"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n

I love Limericks. They’re meant to be brief, rude, and funny.\u00a0 They’re also very playful. Sort of like tweets, but in rhyme. Here are a few I’ve written over the past year or so:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A compulsive “hygienist” named Anne,<\/p>\n

Married an equally fixated young man,<\/p>\n

And as this story begins<\/p>\n

She gives birth to twins<\/p>\n

And names one Spick and the other one Span.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Three blind mice in a kitchen<\/p>\n

Sent the ladlady screamin’ and twitchin’.<\/p>\n

Surely if I introduce<\/p>\n

Them all to Mother Goose,<\/p>\n

She’d write a rhyme that fits their description!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

No matter how hard or long he would try,<\/p>\n

Jack could jump, but he couldn’t fly.<\/p>\n

The idiot insisted,<\/p>\n

Gravity resisted…<\/p>\n

He broke the candlestick and burned his thigh.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Santa was punishing his elves<\/p>\n

By making them dust all the shelves<\/p>\n

‘Cause they thought he was kidding<\/p>\n

When they’d heard him forbidding<\/p>\n

Them from ever touching themselves!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Let me tell you about my uncle Leo<\/p>\n

Who never felt any urge to use deo<\/p>\n

By the end of the week<\/p>\n

My uncle would reek.<\/p>\n

And I\u2019d pinch my nose and yell \u201ceo!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Famed boxer Rocky Balboa<\/p>\n

(Quick with his fist but with his brain, much sloa)<\/p>\n

Was easily beguiled<\/p>\n

Into fathering a child<\/p>\n

With a girl (although he swore he didn’t knoa).<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After quick coitus, Sir James Slattery<\/p>\n

said: “No, it’s not a weak battery.<\/p>\n

You just fail to see<\/p>\n

that my P.E.<\/p>\n

Is actually a form of flattery?”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In one of the famous poetry salons,<\/p>\n

A contest for gold, silver, and bronze.<\/p>\n

2nd and 3d place went to those<\/p>\n

Who wrote impeccable prose<\/p>\n

But the true winner also wrote cons!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It is said that one famous Russian<\/p>\n

Wanted to settle a long-drawn discussion<\/p>\n

So he made a bet<\/p>\n

Over a form of roulette<\/p>\n

And soon died from cranial concussion.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

An old fellow from Japan<\/p>\n

Decided to eat more and more bran.<\/p>\n

But then his intestines<\/p>\n

Started protestin’<\/p>\n

And that’s when the shit hit the fan.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A carpenter by the name of Joseph<\/p>\n

Had a son…Oh, wait! You surely know this…<\/p>\n

So I better write another<\/p>\n

But not about the mother<\/p>\n

For this topic is a little corrosive.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Back when human knowledge was vague<\/p>\n

A man by the name of McCaig<\/p>\n

believing that flowers<\/p>\n

possess healing powers<\/p>\n

Immediately died of the plague.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The people of the Limerick tribe<\/p>\n

Try their best to accurately describe<\/p>\n

So please don’t judge them,<\/p>\n

Hate or begrudge them,<\/p>\n

But you may Comment \u00b7 Like \u00b7 Subscribe<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear mother, we say this to you,<\/p>\n

We know the trouble you’re going through.<\/p>\n

We don’t mind the whippin’<\/p>\n

or the broth that we’re sippin’<\/p>\n

But can we please move out of this shoe?!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A Limerick In Synonyms:<\/strong><\/p>\n

In a room overlooking the waterfront<\/p>\n

A woman anxiously stared at her timepiece<\/p>\n

For at half past cinque<\/p>\n

Her beau will be present<\/p>\n

At which time she’ll be getting some rooster.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was a young man from Jakarta<\/p>\n

Who absolutely loved cream of tartar<\/p>\n

His favorite dish<\/p>\n

Consisted of fish<\/p>\n

Which he always had as a starter.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once upon a morning in Troy<\/p>\n

The people woke up to find a toy<\/p>\n

But the giant horse<\/p>\n

Wasn’t a gift, of course,<\/p>\n

But rather a Greek decoy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

On a raft lost in the middle of sea<\/p>\n

The captain and his parrot disagree.<\/p>\n

“But if this damn bird<\/p>\n

Repeats what it’s heard,<\/p>\n

Does that mean I argue with me?”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A young tiger, quite a beginner<\/p>\n

Caught little, and grew much thinner.<\/p>\n

If he were any wiser<\/p>\n

He’d give up an incisor<\/p>\n

And have juicy tooth fairy for dinner!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A tooth fairy cried as she said:<\/p>\n

“I wish I would find myself dead!<\/p>\n

What kind of creep<\/p>\n

Encourages kids to sleep<\/p>\n

With a lost tooth under their head?”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I was once at a place I won’t mention<\/p>\n

When I felt the need for attention,<\/p>\n

So I lowered my pants<\/p>\n

And started to dance,<\/p>\n

And had to stay afterwards for detention.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When the men and the horses returned<\/p>\n

The king ordered them all to be burned.<\/p>\n

He said “Don’t beg!<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t even save an egg!<\/p>\n

And so a lesson must be learned!”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was once a spirit in flight<\/p>\n

That hovered above waters at night<\/p>\n

And gained so much vigor,<\/p>\n

That its dreams grew bigger<\/p>\n

And it demanded: “Let there be light!”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A masochistic girl from Milwaukee<\/p>\n

Ended a strange affair with a jockey.<\/p>\n

He was always on top<\/p>\n

And he whipped her with a crop.<\/p>\n

She loved it. She just thought he was cocky.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was once a 25-year-old stoner<\/p>\n

Who claimed to be an organ donor;<\/p>\n

But the doctors and nurses<\/p>\n

Showered him with curses<\/p>\n

When he asked them to inspect his boner.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was a duckling with feathers black.<\/p>\n

Her siblings made her stand in the back,<\/p>\n

But when the winter was gone,<\/p>\n

She spoke as a swan:<\/p>\n

“You bitches shoulda cut me some slack!”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Johnny sat in the kitchen looking grim;<\/p>\n

His boyfriend just broke up with him.<\/p>\n

He asked with tears in his eyes:<\/p>\n

“You’re dumping me for exercise?”<\/p>\n

“No! I said I was going to Jim!”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A speedy rabbit (a.k.a. “The Shoes”)<\/p>\n

Was challenged and could not refuse.<\/p>\n

But he underrated the turtle,<\/p>\n

And slept under a myrtle,<\/p>\n

And woke up just in time to lose.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There was once a young ventriloquist<\/p>\n

Who was always obnoxiously pissed.<\/p>\n

For hours on end<\/p>\n

He could argue with a friend<\/p>\n

But could never talk back to his fist.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I love Limericks. They’re meant to be brief, rude, and funny.\u00a0 They’re also very playful. Sort of like tweets, but in rhyme. Here are a few I’ve written over the past year or so:     A compulsive “hygienist” named Anne, Married an equally fixated young man, And as this story begins She gives birth … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “for the love of limericks”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramisalame.com\/blog\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/517"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramisalame.com\/blog\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramisalame.com\/blog\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramisalame.com\/blog\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramisalame.com\/blog\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=517"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramisalame.com\/blog\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/517\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":519,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramisalame.com\/blog\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/517\/revisions\/519"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramisalame.com\/blog\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=517"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramisalame.com\/blog\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=517"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramisalame.com\/blog\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=517"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}